The Funny Poem Book

Collected by:

Stuart Lee

The Wacky Publishing Company

John R. Williams Elementary School

Copyright 2001 Ó


  1. I Love Him Anyway by Joyce Armor page 1
  2. How I Quit Sucking My Thumb by Bruce Lansky page 2
  3. Help Wanted by Timothy Tocher page 3
  4. Icky by Joyce Armor page 4
  5. Bug by Lois Simmie page 5
  6. Willie The Burper by Bill Dodds page 6


I Love Him Anyway

Goofball, stinkpot, pinhead, sneak

Devil, ninny, weirdo, freak.

Crackpot, lunkhead, weasel, worm,

Donkey, lamebrain, insect, germ.

Dumbcluck, dipstick, nitwit, dweeb,

Dingbat, bozo, fruitcake, feeb.

Moron, spacecase, swine, buffoon,

Dope, chump, snake, dork, wacko, loon.

Fathead, pukeface, blacksheep, skunk,

Psycho, dummy, big creep, punk.

Plus words I can't let mother hear

Which all describes my brother dear.

Joyce Armor


Page 1

Help Wanted

Santa needs new reindeer.

The first bunch has grown old.

Dasher has arthritis;

Comet hates the cold.

Prancers sick of staring

At Dancers big behind.

Cupid married Blitzen

And Donner lost his mind.

Dancers mad at Vixen

For stepping on his toes.

Vixens being thrown out

She laughed at Rudolph's nose

If you are a reindeer

We hope you will apply

There is one tricky part

You must know how to fly.

Timothy Tocher


Page 2

How I Quit Sucking My Thumb

My mother says it's childish and

my father says it's dumb—

whenever they discover that

I'm sucking on my thumb.

It's such a silly thing to do,

as everybody knows.

So now instead of sucking it

I stick it in my nose.

Bruce Lansky
Page 3


lcky, sticky, slimy sludge,A greasy, gloppy, grimy smudge,

Oozy, swampy puddle splatter,

Gooey, gunky cookie batter.

Dirty, filthy, mucky scum,

Gluey, stringy, tacky gum,

Meat and sauce from sloppy joes—

Time, I guess, to change my clothes.

By Joyce Armor


Page 4


In the window of the washroomAt our school yesterday,

A little bug was crawling

In its little buggy way.

I whispered in its tiny ear

To not make any noise;

Because it was a ladybug

And the washroom is for boys.

Lois Simmie


Page 5

Willie the Burper

Some kids can talk like Donald Duck

Some know how to chirp.But Willie J. can swallow air

And then rip off a burp.

He'll belch at home and in the car

And at his grandma's, too.

His grandpa always laughs and says,

"That's what I used to do."

"It's not my fault," he tells his morn,

"That they're inside of me.

I feel them run around down there

And want to set them free."

It's hard to say what causes this,

But there's no use to try.

I wonder how a zillion burps

Fit in this little guy.

Bill Dodds


Page 6

About the Collector


Stuart Lee is 8 years old. He lives in Stockton, California and attends John R. Williams Elementary School in the Lincoln Unified School District. He lives at home with his parents and sister. He is in the Third grade and enjoys playing video and computer games. He also has a healthy interest in sports of all kinds.

Page 7